Returning NRI Spends Three Days Proving Signature to Bank, Loses to His 2013 Self

The Daily Rupee, from The IndiaPay Times satire desk. This is satire.

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PLANO, TX. A man home from his first India trip in twelve years confirmed Monday that he spent three days at a bank branch in Pune trying to match his own signature, and that the signature on file won.

“In America I sign with one line and a dot,” said Vikram, 38, referring to the electronic pad at his pharmacy. “In 2013 I signed with a full loop, a crossbar, and what I believed was confidence.”

Staff at the branch, part of a large Indian bank, described themselves as sympathetic but bound by the document. On day one, a clerk named Meena placed the original account form beside his new attempt and studied both for eleven minutes, according to the man’s mother, who attended all three visits and brought a thermos.

On day one, Vikram signed fourteen times on the back of a deposit slip. “Sir, this is a different person’s signature, only,” the clerk said, not unkindly.

On day two, he practiced on a sweet shop napkin during lunch and complained that the pen at the counter was tied to the desk with string. “In Plano we do not tie pens,” he said. “We just lose them, like adults.” His mother asked him to lower his voice, as the string had been there since before he left.

On day three, she produced a birthday card he had signed for a cousin in 2012, a school ID, and a library slip. The branch accepted them as “supporting documents of a personal nature.” It was unclear whether this category exists.

A senior researcher at an institute nobody could name said signatures tend to drift after a person moves countries. “It is much like an accent,” the researcher said, “but with more paperwork and a witness.”

Late on the third afternoon, tired and out of napkins, Vikram stopped thinking and signed the way he had at 22. The loop came back first, then the crossbar, then a small flourish he did not remember owning.

Meena looked at the form, then at him. “That’s him,” she said.

The account was cleared. Vikram declined to disclose the balance, though his mother said it was “enough to be proud of, not enough to mention to Sharma Ji.”

Back in Plano on Monday, he said he plans to keep the loop. He added that it does not work at the pharmacy, where the pad has twice rejected it as “too much.”

Not satire: if an Indian account has been sitting quietly since your last trip, here is how NRE and NRO accounts actually differ before you walk back into the branch. Our guide, NRE vs NRO Accounts: The 5-Question Family Argument, has the real numbers.

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